Bring a Bag

I was recently at a store to buy annoyingly large things.

I'm not going to tell you what I bought, because it doesn't matter and I think it's funnier. If you want a visual, you can imagine I'm buying a dozen pool noodles. Or a legion of throw pillows.

I knew I was going to do this in advance, and had a large enough bag to carry them from another store. But it had stuff in it and I was feeling lazy.

Terrible, I know.

So I grabbed a little tote bag to hold the smaller things I was also going to buy, and headed on down to the store.

This is a normal product for this store.

They come in somewhat standard sizes.

Their competitor who I've bought things from before provides large, appropriately sized and shaped bags to take things home in.

Surely, they will have bags.

They have everything I need.

It's organized well enough I find it all without having to do laps around the store.

This store is closer than the other one.

I think the prices might even be better?

I should come here more often.

Alright then, off to checkout!

I put down my pile. They scan it. They offer me a membership. I politely decline. They offer me a bag. I accept.

For the big stuff or the small stuff?

???

You can see I have a bag.

You can see it is entirely too small.

Why wouldn't I want a bag for the big stuff?

Maybe that's just the script they always follow. I guess I can't judge, retail's rough.

They pull out a large plastic bag.

No handles, no structure, just pure bag.

It's essentially two sheets of plastic glued together at the edges. And entirely too large, but I'm not buying the largest size they sell.

They carefully align the pile on the edge of the counter so the bag can be slid around it. Many seconds of shuffling follow.

I've done this dance before myself, and it's always a pain. Nothing but sympathy for someone who has to do this all day, as a job.

But it works, I grab the bag and start heading back.

How simpleminded I was.

I had multiple things and the bag didn't have a structure to support them. What I should have done was wrap the bag as tightly as I could before picking it up.

There was a beautiful five seconds where I had them all perfectly balanced to stay in place.

It did not last.

Cling wrap would have been more effective.

Everything slid in different directions.¹

I shifted angles. Switched arms.

Desperately scrabbled at the bag attempting to add in the tension which is long gone from the counter.

At an intersection I have a second to stop and adjust everything.

Balance is restored, and I have a death grip on the one which keeps sliding back.

It tips forward instead.

The balance does not survive the crossing.

Fin.

Somehow, I made it back without dropping anything, and immediately dumped it into the proper bag.

So, if you have a bag and you go to a new store, maybe bring it? Don't trust the system.

Apparently, the system provides comedically ineffective bags.

The one I had would have been annoying to carry, but at least I wouldn't have been wrestling with things on the way back.

- Rew

Nightly Notes

I was going to write about the utility of carrying one of those collapsible grocery bags around, but then this happened. Another day.

Style wise, this was fun to write, mostly because I spent my brain cells on other things today. But it's not really what I was thinking about doing when I had the idea to start this.

Then again, I've read many good anecdotes, and I would enjoy being able to write my own. When else will I have a reason to?

Mayhaps more insufferably vague anecdotes are to come.

- Rew